Andy’s PostSecret of the Week (11/25/07)

(PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.)

www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Thanksgiving

“History is written by the victors.” — Winston Churchill

I thought of this quote while in the shower. I just wanted to share Mr. Churchhill’s words on this Thanksgiving week. Yes, it’s important to be thankful for what we have in America. But we also need to remember those whom our “brave” ancestors walked over to get what we have now. To me, I think we owe more of our gratitude to those groups rather than some religious fundamentalists that had one rough winter and a long boat ride.

Another quote that I remember: “History never repeats itself; but it does rhyme.” — Mark Twain

Thank you to EVERYONE — Pilgrims and non-Pilgrims alike — for their sacrifices so I could live happily and free! And thank you to the genus M. gallopavo (North American Turkey) for sacrificing their lives for our symbolic meal. Ha.

I’m too sexy…

I was walking home from the Target near my house today, listening to my iPod as I normally do, and Right Said Fred’s song “I’m Too Sexy” came on. No teasing, I keep a lot of songs for memory sake. LOL.

(Yes, I did like (see: love) that song as a kid — along with New Kids on the Block, MC Hammer, and Paula Abdul  — the perfect early-90s trifecta!)

So I was laughing along with the song (it’s ridiculous), even singing along, and it came in my head how funny it must’ve looked for my grandparents. These jazz-loving, late 50-somethings must of found it so strange to see this little, eccentric, slightly effeminate 3rd grader in his flashy Zubaz and Greenvale Elementary sweatshirt dancing along to his “I’m Too Sexy” single tape. I knew the words, too, and I’m sure I sang them aloud. lol. I must’ve seemed out of my gourd to them.

[[Or there was the whole "not" trend, circa 1992. Thank you very much Wayne's World. Or...the whole Kriss Kross, backwards overalls thing (I did it!). Wow, I could list so many -- and people call the 80s weird. LOL.

I mean, did old-time, big band-listening, flappers think my grandparents odd? What was the 1940s weird craze(s) anyway? Jazz and ____?]]

Anyway, I look back at it with fondness. Sure, it was risqué — I know that’s what modern parents are thinking — for a little kid to be singing about being “Too Sexy,” but, really, it’s just a song. I didn’t grow up to become a prostitute — except to Mountain Dew and cigarettes (still quit!). LOL.

Sometimes I think adults over-think things. I would like to believe my grandparents never banned me from Fred out of the same logic I have now: Censorship Sucks.

[[But then again there's a difference between Right Said Fred and NWA (Niggaz with Attitude). I just don't know.]]

Grandparents as Parents

As a child raised by grandparents (until I was 12), I greatly appreciate what they did for my sister and me. I only wish that a group like Grandparents as Parents were around when they were taking care of us. I’m sure they could’ve used the help or at least found a support network. Sadly personal computers were still new fangled things, even when I was twelve (1993).

If you know any grandparents raising kids, please give them props and a high five. It’s not an easy thing, I’m sure. My grandparents just got done raising 3 kids before we came — and could’ve said no without people faulting them. But they selflessly gave up their last years for my sister and me. I owe them a lot. I can’t imagine what I would be like today had I ended up in the foster system.

I really love them and miss them.

Minnesota!

Some of these don’t really have to do with MN, but oh well…

1. First of all, where in MN do you live?
Richfield.

2. What’s your favorite lake in MN?
Uh, Superior? Or Calhoun.

3. Have you ever been ice fishing?
Many moons ago in Cub Scouts. Dang I’m a city boy. LOL

10. Does your vehicle have rust on it or salt damage?
None that I’ve seen, but some paint is falling off in the wheel wells.

11. Have your locks ever frozen shut?
I think in Bemidji — imagine that. LOL

12. Have you ever built a snow fort taller than you?
Again, many moons ago. lol I don’t play in City snow. Ew. lol

13. Where did you go sledding as a child?
Heck yeah…down St. Olaf College’s huge hill and down my mom’s big hill in Ramsey!

14. Have you ever ice skated outdoors?
Probably the last time I skated (indoors or out) was in middle school. Never got the love for it. *shrug*

15. Did you ever get your tongue stuck to something outside in the winter?
“Nope, seen a sucky movie where the kid does though. Thats right, the movie sucked!” (LOL Karl…)

16. Did you ever pour water over something on purpose in the winter to make it slippery?
I don’t think so, but I’ve thrown water in the air and saw it freeze before it hit the ground.

17. Did you ever have snow slushies?
Karl, I think this is when you put that syrup stuff on regular snow. But, no, never done it.

18. Have you ever accidentally gone to school on a day where school was canceled due to weather?
Heck no — at the first sign of snow I was glued to the TV hoping for a cancelation. LOL

20. Do you prefer St. Cloud area or Twin Cities area?
Neither. I like the Northfield area. BORN AND RAISED. Woot.

21. Do you like city or country?
I like both for different reasons. Country is more relaxing, city things are open past 9pm. LOL

22. Have you ever had more than one tick on you at a time?
Probably.

23. Have you ever burned garbage in a bon fire?
Nope but I’ve seen it done. Bad…lol. My friend’s dad (in middle school) burned a bunch of tires.

24. Have you ever gone to a Twins game?
Long time ago, as a kid.

25. Have you ever gone to a Vikings game?
Long time ago, as a kid.

26. Have you ever gone to a Wild game?
Nope. Never.

27. Did you ever forget to wear pants under your snow pants?
That would be just dumb. (Agreed, Karl)

28. Do you eat icicles?
Sure! For fun.

29. Did you ever eaten yellow snow?
Refuse to answer do to the grammatical error in this sentence. (LOL)

30. Do you own a dog that has gotten sprayed by a skunk?
Never owned my own dog.

31. Do you drink Boone’s Farm?
I don’t even know what that is. LOL

32. Do you drink beer?
Yes, just hook it to my vein.

33. Do you have at least one friend who has a beard?
I don’t think so. John used to but shaved it for his hubby.

34. Do you say quote unquote before you start a sentence most the time?
Um…hardly ever. lol Unless I’m quoting something. Or I use air quotes.

35. Do you carry an ice scraper in your car all year?
Oh yeah.

36. Do you have to add sand bags to the bed of your truck?
“A real Minnesotan knows that sandbags aren’t just for trucks.” But, no, I don’t. LOL I have though.

37. Have you ever gotten a leech stuck to you?
Probably…

38. Have you ever caught a snapper?
No.

39. Do you own your own fishing pole?
No, I’m a city boy. LOL We have stores that sell fish.

40. What is your favorite restaraunt?
Pu’hket Thai….mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

41.What is your favorite club?
Open-faced club sandwich. lol

42. What’s your favorite park?
Wade Park, Northfield, MN

43. Which place in Minnesota has the best scenery/view?
The North Shore (of Lake Superior).

44. Where’s your favorite place to cruise?
I’ve never really cruised. Gas is way too expensive.

45. Which grocery store do you shop?
Rainbow Foods.

46. Have you ever partied in a barn?
Never, but I have in a log cabin. LOL.

47. Do you like keg beer?
If it’s the only beer available.

48. Have you ever gone hunting?
I went once as a kid (Grouse). Some people from my mom’s church wanted to take me for some reason. lol I just wanted to shoot a gun.

49. Do you have a tattoo of a butterfly?
Nope — but I have a rainbow-colored Sun with a face in the middle.

50. Do you smoke cigarettes?
NOT ANYMORE!! WHOOOO. I quit one week, six days, 8 hours, 51 minutes and 13 seconds. (www.silkquit.org downloadable quitting calculator LOL)

51. Does your heritage include Polish, German, or Scandinavian?
Maybe like 5% Swedish. Mostly French and Irish/English.

52. Are you Catholic?
No but I respect their discipline. They’re not watered down at least. I’d pick that if I were ever to be Christian. lol

53. Have you ever been swimming in a river in Minnesota?
St. Croix River a ton of times. I wouldn’t swim in the Mississippi to save my life. Ew. lol

54. What’s your favorite thing about Minnesota?
The (generally) friendly people and Minnesota kindness and open-mindedness. The (generally) Blue State attitudes. The love of the arts and education. THUNDERSTORMS!

55. Whats one thing you don’t like about Minnesota?
WINTER. The”Fargo” (movie) stereotype people have of us. Bad drivers (yeah, Karl). MOSQUITOES (though they’re not bad in the city). PAUL BUNYAN. lol

Andy’s PostSecret of the Week (11/18/07)

(PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.)

www.postsecret.blogspot.com 

Deleted Post…

OK, so I deleted my last post. Surprisingly it got WAY more hits than I ever thought it would. I got more than 100 in one day. While usually I would enjoy a lot of people reading my writing, this post didn’t have good vibes, and the amount of people hitting on it seemed like it was just spreading the crap vibes around….

I don’t know. I wanted to spread the word about Megan and stuff, but I felt like it was more about the neighbors. Maybe that was my fault. I just wanted to honor her and share that story. I don’t know.

Anyway, thanks for reading friends.

Continued…

[This was a second part to The W's post, but I only wrote part of it and had to go to bed. lol Finished now!]

It seems 1999 was one of those years that changed me a lot. I guess that’s true of any year you graduate high school, but it was more than just growing for me. At the time, I had been at Treehouse for 2 1/2 years. It was like my separate family. Pretty much all of my friends stemmed from there — well, that and The Other Side Program, which also saved my life.

But, Treehouse, for the first time in my life, introduced me to religion, at least outside of the “chore” realm of existence. I pretty much grew up atheist/agnostic until I was 12 years old, and then when I moved to my mom’s, I was shoved into the Lutheran church she went to faithfully. I didn’t necessarily want to go, but the church had it’s good aspects, too. I won’t dis it too bad. Confirmation *was* fun, and it *was* one place that I never got teased. Strange, that–.

So after my moms and I moved away from Ramsey, and Lord of Life Lutheran Church, I was entering a new (angry) phase of life and refused to go to church anymore. In all honesty, after the move, I was baptized (to appease my mom) while practicing Satanism. But anyway, I never really had much faith to begin with; Lord of Life was more of a social club for middle school Andy, as was Satanism. Soon mom gave up trying to drag me to church and she mainly went alone.

1995 – 1996. I had the whole Satanist look down to a T — at least in my teenage mind. This was when goth and skateboarders somehow mixed cliques — and both had been infused with a sort of post-Nirvana grunge style. As I said before, the whole Satanist thing was a social mechanism; more of a my-friends-are-doing-it kind of thing. I didn’t really believe in Satan, at least past the whole power trip, I’m-casting-a-spell, vampire, mom/society hates what I’m doing kind of thing. In all honesty, it made me feel powerful and strong, when in reality, I was hurting A LOT, weak, and felt powerless.

So I did that for a good year. I got straight Fs in school (although I had been previously doing that anyway, without the clique); had detention more times than I could count; even received in-school suspension for 2 days for stealing food from the lunch line. I started using drugs frequently in the middle of 9th grade (1995-1996), which was where my lunch money was going, and was one angry kid — letting it all out in a huge, gushing torrent.

I was crashing.

Then 10th grade hit, high school. Most of my friends from the clique (for some reason) either moved away or just stopped hanging out. I continued to do badly in school, but at least my trouble-making came to a stop. I still used drugs, though, but after completing do-this-or-you’re-out-of-the-house drug treatment the previous summer, I was much less blatant about it.

That fall (1996), I joined The Other Side Program. I did my first trimester in mainstream classes, and failed miserably (which wasn’t unusual for me). I also was introduced to Treehouse when a friend I was hanging out with decided to go one rainy Tuesday evening. She had gone before, but wasn’t a regular visitor.

It was sort of a shock to my system, Treehouse. Imagine a basement full of kids. Not just cross-wearing kids, either, but gothic, skater, gangster, sporty, rich, poor, black, white…any kind of kid! I had my attitude on, of course. I wouldn’t give them a chance — especially CHRISTIANS, my mortal enemy. I swore they would hate me. I swore they would judge me.

The funny thing was, they didn’t. They were possibly the most unique Christians I had ever met before then, and after. The Treehouse staff showed me genuine interest and caring. I remember being the new kid and one leader, Scott, really inquired about me and was curious about who I was and what my story was. I felt honest love there and felt they really did care for me.

Of course, this took a few times of going, but after a short time I was hooked. I think it was the outpouring on love and caring that I was hooked on at Treehouse. It was a new feeling for me I think; to feel someone TRULY had my back, was something I wasn’t used to at the time. I had gone through so much crap for the last seven years that I think I was desperate for love and especially affection.

It was also nice making pretty much a whole group of friends who liked me unconditionally. At least that’s how it seemed to me. Friends I didn’t feel I had to impress or get in trouble for at school.

So after a while, I was fully adjusted to Treehouse, and I became a Christian. I’m not sure if I still had faith or not, but I sure felt God. It’s hard to say if I was really believing in God or just adapting to my surroundings. I think maybe both. I did put a lot into it and felt strongly, so I’d like to say I did believe.

On Tuesday nights we would have small group time — in which we would get together in groups of 10-15 kids and talk about our week and troubles we were having. Thursday nights were game and Bible study night. We had a lot of trips, too. Good times.

So I went for 2 1/2 years before I started talking about possibly being gay in Tuesday night small groups. It seems strange for a kid with two gay moms to turn out gay himself, but I promise that I knew BEFORE I lived with them, so I don’t want to hear “they turned him gay,” OK? lol It just wasn’t something I talked about before then, especially to people outside of home.

Sadly, the Treehouse staff didn’t take my shares too well. Some I had big debates about homosexuality with; some refused to pray for me. I was crushed. My whole world was coming down on me, and it eventually led me away from Treehouse a few months before graduating. I would’ve had to leave anyway after graduating, but I wish I would’ve stayed the last few months and went out on a good note. I just couldn’t be around them after that. They really cut me deep.

I was still Christian for a while after, but started questioning my faith and what it meant to me. Not so much in a negative way, although I was angry. I started thinking that I really couldn’t be part of a religion like the one they showed me in 1999. That’s when God spoke to me. I think S/he really told me it was OK to think for myself in relation to my faith. That S/he was big enough and confident enough to let me sort it out for myself. That S/he didn’t fit in the little tiny box that most Christians put him/her in. That something much larger was needing sharing.

I felt God much stronger after my revelation, when it made sense in my own mind, not just believing because someone had taught it to me and I repeated it. I almost feel fortunate to have been raised without God as a child. That way I could look at it with an adult eye, and it would have much more strong meaning to me personally. I could go through life and find what was right for me, and I could really listen to God, and not so much through the preacher’s eyes. I wouldn’t just turn out another generation of Christians because that’s what my parents were; I would turn out people loving the real God. The God of LOVE we seem to have forgotten.
I think maybe God gave me the task of spreading the real story S/he wanted out there, not the most currant regurgitated version. But most Christians would think me a heretic for my beliefs. But many thought Jesus was, too.

As the Buddha said,

“Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.”

The W’s.

Back in the late 90s, during the last two years of my high school career, Third Wave Ska and Swing were making a small resurgence back into popular music. It seemed the final breath of the genre, but it went out with a bang — at least where I was. Having peeked in 1995 it was slowly dying every year, and by 1999 it seemed to have pretty much vanished — as suddenly and quietly as it came.

From late 1996 until I graduated from high school (June 1999), I was also part of a Christian-orientated youth group called Treehouse. They really saved my life. I owe them a lot, but that’s another post.

So that’s some back-story.

Well, today I was walking from the bus stop after running some errands. I generally set my iPod to random while I walk, just to have a nice mix of music. So, as I starting walking the five blocks home, when The W’s came on. Not my favorite band, but I keep them in my collection for reluctant-to-delete sake, I suppose. But back in my Treehouse days, they were up there among my favorites, along with Five Iron Frenzy. Both were ska/swing Christian bads; probably the only two Christian bands that I could stomach, even back then. In my opinion, they weren’t sugary sweet and/or preachy like others I’ve heard. Although, admittedly, I’m not an aficionado of Christian music. Introduce me to some if you have recommendations! If it’s good, I’ll listen, no matter the faith!

Here’s some Five Iron Frenzy. I wish I could’ve found a better quality version of this song online.

Here’s a sample. Not The W’s best song, but the only one I could find online.

So, anyway, The W’s song brought back so many memories.

Time Waster.

Yes I do these. They’re fun — for killing time or just reading wacky questions and coming up with wacky answers. I mean come on! Whoever really HATES these with a passion needs to lighten up. LOL Nah, I love y’all. It’s interesting for me to read random things from people.

***

Things You Have NOT Been Asked In A Survey

1. Do you know anyone in prison?
Yeah. I know a lot of people who are, or have been, inside. People through groups and stuff. I’ve never personally been though.

2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush’s MySpace?
Not crushes, but some ex’s I have.

3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Probably a couple of months ago. Nice and cheap, but man I’m sick of it. LOL I don’t eat it unless I really have to eat it.

4. Do you have a desk in your room?
In my living room yes, not bedroom though.

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
Not that I remember. lol I’m very modest and dainty.

6. What was your second grade teachers name?
Mrs. Chabot — “it rhymes with rabbit, it’s Mrs. Chabot.” I came up with that as a kid to learn it. LOL Funny, that’s the only thing I remember of her.

7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
No, but my initials are the same as my dad’s: AJB.

8. Does your first boyfriend/girlfriend still live in the same town as you?
Nope. I wish I knew where he was. Well, he wasn’t technically a boyfriend. I wish I would’ve understood it back then. lol.

9. Do you throw up gang signs?
Of course. ** Throws up the Vulcan “live long and prosper” sign ** VULCAN!!! Wuh wuh! Kidding.

10. Have you ever broken a rib?
Not that I know of. I’ve never been rough and tough. lol

11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?
I think both have benefits, but I think guy is easier. So I’ll pick guy.

12. Who is the most spoiled person you know?
My clients at work! lol

13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
Can I find true love with a doctor? lol

14. Have you ever had sex in church?
Nope. Closest I came was making out during a Church Confirmation Retreat in 7th or 8th grade. LOL Ah, memories. You know who you are. I think that was my first real make-out session. LOL Send me a message! lol

15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a Marine?
Like a crab or dolphin? Kidding. No. I’m single.

16. Do you watch the Grammys?
No — Witty Retort Not Found.

17. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
Not especially. Too dangerous.

18. Which one word would describe your last relationship?
Dysfunctional.

19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older than you or 20 years ?
2 years older.

21. Do you have a porn collection?
What constitutes a collection? lol

22. How many proms have you been to in your life?
Zero. Wasn’t my thing back then.

23. Have you ever been in an interracial relationship?
A few times. Native American and African American.

25. Do you like Bush?
Is it neatly trimmed? LOL

26. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?
My cousin Tommy is in the military — Intelligence — but not Iraq right now. I think he’s going soon though.

28. Do you worry about global warming?
Yeah. :-\. What world are we leaving my nephews?

29. Do you like polar bears?
Only if they’re not mauling me.

30. Have you ever been cheated on?
I don’t think so.

31. What’s your favorite color?
Blue!

32. What slang word(s) do you call marijuana?
Wacky Tobaccey.

33. Are you an atheist?
No, but I have my own ideas which don’t conform to modern-day religious ideas.

34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor?
Nope. School friend.

35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
I think becoming a Naval Fighter Pilot/Archaeologist isn’t in the cards. LOL

36.Do you wear your sweetie’s clothes?
My cat doesn’t wear clothes. lol

37.What’s your opinion on gold diggers?
You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip. LOL

38. Are you a country or city girl/boy?
I’d say city, but I grew up in a medium sized town.

39. Do you love someone?
Yeah, lots of someones.

40. Do you want to hit something?
Yeah…the gym. HAH Right.